1. Dating as a polyamorous woman brings with it a lifetime's worth of misconceptions and jealousies. Add a few extra layers of fat to that experience, and things can get depressing real fast.
2. Whatever euphemism you want to call it. Usually, when I say this, people shower me with compliments or tell me that I’m beautiful. Let’s get this straight, I never said I was ugly, just plus-size. While there is nothing inherently wrong with being plus-size, it was the biggest insecurity I had to overcome when re-entering the dating world.

Dating can be confusing, which is why so many people turn to their friends, social media or a Reddit forum to ask questions or to understand and resolve challenges they face. If you aren’t familiar with using Reddit, there are some very popular subgroup discussions for a wide range of topics that involve dating. When it comes to the actual dates, dating while plus-size is yet another minefield. There are the obvious no-nos. Rock climbing is out. Wind surfing, too. Basically, any date that could be confused with a Bodyform advert is not going to come with the most flattering of outfits or activities that won’t end in shamefaced horror. A plus size woman reveals the discrimination she faced while dating online. One brave man told me that while he’d had a good time, I was larger than he thought and wasn’t interested in seeing.

Free Meet

Dating online has its issues, but mostly it's wonderful, it's learning to trust someone's words and your own, learning to be truthful but tactful, it's reassuring that if you ever do have a fight, at least you still have each other.

With another year's distance, I know for certain he'd do anything for me and he'd risk everything to get to me, but we're now at a place where I just can't imagine wanting to commit to such a relationship, because I am me, and I am so completely happy on my own.

Posted on March 16, 2015 by jenpollard Hola. I have had a great couple of weeks, but not necessarily in a good way. I think it's time for an update.

I had a scan a couple of weeks ago which showed that my tumour has grown but some of the surrounding lymph nodes have shrank. Although the scan showed signs of shrinking it is still large and there are no signs of reduction. They recommend another scan in 3 months and if there is no improvement I'll need to see a specialist to talk about treatment. The steroids are taking a nasty toll on my body.

I've had severe joint and muscle pain, bad breath, loss of appetite, swollen limbs and have been lethargic and irritable. At the moment the steroids seem to have leveled out, though I can see on my body that they are making me really hot (I had to have my heating fan on the other day). I feel like I'm battling the steroids, there are times when I feel like they're just not letting up and they are getting the better of me, but then

make friends online not dating

Dating as a plus-size girl hasn’t always been easy. Confidence hasn’t always been my strong suit. I battled with low self-esteem and feeling unworthy for a very long time. I went to therapy, I recited positive affirmations about myself, and I prayed for God to make me more confident in the woman He created me to be.

I posted scriptures about who I am on my mirrors and computers. I worked really hard to be more confident. Then I finally reached a place where I felt confident in myself. Then I started dating again. Dating tested my confidence.

Facing Insecurities

I came face to face with many of my insecurities and had to deal with them one by one. Thankfully, I have the tools to combat those insecure feelings. All except one, my weight. Now let’s be honest here. I’m overweight, plus-sized, fluffy. Whatever euphemism you want to call it. Usually, when I say this, people shower me with compliments or tell me that I’m beautiful. Let’s get this straight, I never said I was ugly, just plus-size.

While there is nothing inherently wrong with being plus-size, it was the biggest insecurity I had to overcome when re-entering the dating world. Although we don’t like to admit it, being big is often associated with unattractiveness and poor habits in general. Now I know those stereotypes don’t describe me, but I knew that I may have to face them nonetheless.

Barrier to Dating

I was so concerned that my weight would be a barrier to dating. So I decided to just put it all out there. I stopped wearing girdles, I put on more colorful clothes. I decided to just be me. Low key I was still a little worried about my weight though. But here’s the thing, it hasn’t been a factor at all.

In fact, I’m attracting quality men. Quality men who are fine. Let me say that again. This plus-size girl is pulling men who look good, have good jobs, and are good men. Now, I’m not pulling all the fine men, nobody is, but I’m pulling in my fair share. The funny thing is, I date men who exercise all the time. They are really into working out and feel some type of way when they don’t. They are into eating healthy and all of that stuff and I’m just not. Well, not yet anyway.

Changed Mindset

Listen, this blew my mind. I honestly think this kept me from successfully dating before. I had the mindset that my weight would keep me from getting what I really wanted. Come to find out, it wasn’t my weight, it was my mindset that kept me from it all along.

I always thought that if I lost weight I might attract better-looking men or better quality men, but that’s not true. I haven’t lost a significant amount of weight yet I’m attracting men to whom I’m also attracted.

This Tells Me Some Things About Myself

1. My weight has no bearing on the quality of men I am able to attract.
2. I was trying to lose weight for a potential mate and not for myself.
3. If I was willing to make drastic changes for someone I hadn’t met yet, what would I do once I met him?
4. My mindset matters.

I had to get myself all the way together. If I’m going to lose weight, it has to be for me. Though I love myself the way I am, I must change my lifestyle to have a long life and prosperity that God promised me. I want to be healthy in my mind, body, and spirit. So I have to lose weight. It’s just that food is so delicious. Plus, the fact that I can still attract some fine men while being plus-size doesn’t motivate me to exercise. I’m going to lose weight though. I want to be able to run after my kids one day without being winded so easily.

Finally Free

So, I’m going to keep this mindset. Even if the old negative thoughts come, they don’t have to stay. All in all, this time around dating has been incredibly fun. Probably because I’ve allowed myself to just be. I’ve learned who I am in Christ and how to be free in Him (for the most part). I pray that for all of you as well. I pray that you realize that whom the Son sets free is free indeed. No matter where you are in life, whether you’re dating or not, take this time to change your mindset. Take this time to know who you are in God. Be positive, continue to believe in Jesus, and let the Holy Spirit guide you in everything you do.

Thanks for joining me on my journey!

-Kim

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